Internet Comment Etiquette: “Online Psychics”

Well, hey there, everybody, welcome th’ internet comment Etiquette. I’m your host Big Money Salvia. I love big money. I’m all about the big money and today we’re going to talk about how to leave comments for online psychics. Isn’t that going to Be fun? But it’s not going to take an online psychic to guess who I’m about the tweet to. Haha, @Ted Cruz your zodiac reading for the day the dark hood calls to you from the closet How long has it been? “Long enough,” you finally admit. And fulfill prophecy. [Old timey music] [My dad left me] [God is coming to reap the sinners] Alright, well now let’s watch an online psychic in action. This guy actually figured out where the missing Malaysian flight 370 ended up. After all the video title “is missing Malaysia plane found by psychic.” So he found it? Great! Let’s find out where it is. I-I meditated And try to focus on the plane and asked a series of questions [Erik] Uh-huh. [“physhic”] The first question being what happened, and I got a simple one-word reply, And that was, “magnets.” [Erik] alright, let’s check out some of these comments Why don’t you ever read the headlines psychic wins the lottery? [“Psychic”] And you’ve got four pieces of land? Not big enough to be called islands they’re more like big rocks The only positive thing I can really say about this video is that at least Keith has chosen not to disable ratings and comments So that an open debate can be had on the subject of psychic capabilities. LOL, what an idiot Reported! From me, too And I’m convinced that even though It’s not on all the maps, there are people who are familiar with the terrain in the area Who will know exactly what I’m talking about? Will know where to look. Had dream today, dog licking hand and bottle of spirits. What you see at that? [Erik] Alright, pretty great comments But what I’m getting from the videos that the plane could Potentially, be literally anywhere, and literally anything could have happened to it. uuumm So that said, let’s thank this guy for closing the case Great video, dude. My favorite part was probably right after your camera guy stopped recording when you asked him, “Hey, think anyone will buy this.” You know, before you both started laughing and pegging each other with Rolled-up euros. Think anyone will buy this you know before you both started laughing and pegging each other with Rolled-up euros one love and flip a quarter One love and flip a quarter into my butthole for good luck. Big money Salvia over and out and ZAP. OK, Let’s try one more psychic. Hopefully, this one’s the real deal. [Video] Maybe three or four minutes right now with your eyes closed Being able to really experience what it might mean to find her that mind’s eye Chakra and See how it affects your day. You up for it? [Erik] Yeah! [“Psychic”] Yeah, you are [Erik] Holy shit, how’d she know? [“Psychic”] I want you to let your eyes just kind of Softly look up at the inside of your forehead As if you could see the inside of your forehead right there in that area is that mind’s eye Chakra Another deep breath and another wave of bliss as you exhale now Mmm all the way out hmm. [Erik] Oh, whoa! Where’d that come from? Holy shit, that felt great! Whew, thanks, Wendy, you’re the real deal! [“Psychic”] Look at the program. It’s either down there over there over there depending what window you’re watching this in and Take a look there’s a huge bonus that goes with it if you buy it now. [Erik] Wait a second, psychics make money I thought they were just doing this for free. Hold up, wait. hang on, one goddamn second. Nobody told me that being a psychic made you money. Let’s see what kind of money you get here Dude, they make big money! Look how much this costs. Well shit, nobody told me being a psychic was big money Uhhhhhh HELLO, blessings. I’m the amazing Salvio [Music plays] [Play Fire Emblem] [Music plays] I feel such great energy from all of you today. Thank you so much for watching. Remember, I do accept Visa and Mastercard as well as PayPal, but not American Express because their refund policies and are not kind to merchants of truth such as I. Let us now give our blessings in the form Of a free reading to the people of YouNow! Would you like to– wait? What did that say? Would you like? I can’t even read it. I better be good at sports. What? Why? Blessings to you, child. Next! [YouNow] Blessings and hello. I am the amazing Sal– –Vio You want me to tell you your fortune? No, you were a dog in your past life. You were a stupid dog. And owner hated you so much he threw you in a river. That is why you were afraid of Rivers. I Like Rivers. [Erik] OH blessings to you [YouNow] Blessings and hello, I am the amazing Salvio! Want me to tell you your fortune? Sure, tell me my fortune The Amazing Salvio. Let’s see how’s it going. You have operations to remove two fingers from each hand change your name to Merkmock and And identify as toad warrior your mother will disapprove Call me Merkmock haha, bossy bitch! [Shitty music plays] Oh blessings, blessings, blessings [Shitty music continues] Oh blessings, blessings, blessings [Is this shitty music what plays in Hell?] [And it finally ends!] Oh! And, blessings to them well that’s it for the free trial. If you want to see more send your payment information to [email protected] But since I’m a psychic I can tell you already did that. So let’s continue along. This should be a fun psychic video! “Five fun psychic phenomena.” And play! Five fun physics phenomenon Oops, I think I read the title wrong. [Video] Number 4: take a piece of your favorite cereal and drop it into a bowl of water Then using a very strong magnet try to pull the cereal around. Isn’t that cool? So why is cereal magnetic? And finally five [Erik] Wait, you’re not Gonna tell us? What the fuck!? [Video] The teabag rocket take a tea bag– [Erik] Well, it’s come to my attention that the spirits are ready to speak Amazing Salvio away This video’s fake as fuck. The guy couldn’t even explain why his CGI did what it did. Really? My cereal is made of magnets The same thing that brought down Malaysian flight 370 give me a fucking break, dude. Anyway, blessings and if anyone out here wants a private reading just email me a pic your credit card. And postulate! yes That’s right. The Amazing Salvio also does private readings as well. Allow me to show you what one of those looks like. And dial! [Jack] Hello, Oh! [Erik] BLESSINGS Blessings to you, boy. I’m the amazing Salvio. [Jack] Eric, why are you wearing a Dashiki? Oh, Erik is no more. He wasn’t big money enough Now, there is only the amazing Salvio That doesn’t explain to the Dashiki. Okay? Well, How about I just read your fortune hMm [Jack] How long is that it gonna take, man? [Erik] Just a quick reading? But the spirits are telling me this is urgent Jacks of JacksFilm [Jack] all right. OK, I’m conferring with the spirits and oh oh, oh, this is bad. Oh Jackery you’re going to hate this Someone’s breaking into your home tonight. I see it with my own eyes w0t – YES, Young boy The spirits say he will steal your 72-inch television from Samsung. You know the plasma one. Real nice And he does know where the remote is so he’s taking that too. He’s also going upstairs now. Oh he’s Oh, he’s– He’s rifling through the closet, and he’s found a… a bunch of necklaces underneath the blue towel. Some sort of family heir loom – OK, how do you know that? Have you been snooping around my house? Hang on with all that, Jimmy. I also see that is going to take a shit in your refrigerator Erik, are you going to rob me and shit in my refrigerator? I told you Erik is no longer!!!! He wasn’t big money. Sorry, sorry blessings And by the way the spirits also want to impart warning not to go downstairs while this Masked maniac is there because he will have a chainsaw OK, thanks for the call great so that’ll be $75 for the reading uh All right, I guess I can venmo it to you or Perfect! Thanks, Jake. – It’s not my name – And hang-up Alright, everybody. Well, that’s it for today’s lesson Thank you so much for watching major blessings to everybody that I featured in today’s video and don’t forget to buy my book the amazing Savio’s guide to bouncing on your boy’s third eye Now, if you don’t mind me there’s something that I need to go take care of! [Music plays] [OH, GOD! The shitty music is back!] [Good old timey music plays]

17 thoughts on “Internet Comment Etiquette: “Online Psychics”

  1. I am the Silver Wind.
    Ask and be Answered.
    This is my third reincarnation, before I was Fairn Weald, then Ho-Tep Ra.
    My first life was as the Silver Wind and now I have Returned.
    Seven souls have wrapped around the Original Sin and formed the Night Black Speed
    that carries all across the Sephira.
    In each life I have met her and she has allowed me to climb the tree acending to above
    and gaining knowledge of the world.

    Speak and by Isopsephy I shall divine.

  2. Salvio is legit y'all, I told him my credit info and he told me that I would one day find my tube of toothpaste.
    I never found it, but the reading was legit incredible.
    The only person I'll ever waste me money on

  3. "so why is cereal magnetic?" moves on…

    "wait, you're not gonna tell us? what the fuck?"
    Like it was some cruel joke that Veritasium played on his viewers, laughing out loud

  4. Kudos to Mermok for being a good sport but mostly for being able to read aloud without making me want to drill out all three eyes

  5. my dyslexia read this as physics, that might be a good topic for a new one. Edit: oh hell yeah one physics video in there

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