How Internet Fame Can Slowly Ruin Your Life

-It’s time that we have a
pretty frank discussion here, creators. Being a YouTube
personality is awesome, but there’s also a lot
of downsides to this, and it can potentially
ruin your life. And let’s talk about
some of those things, expose them here,
talk about what they mean for us as creators,
hopefully in ways that help us get to some healthier places. Hey guys, my name
is Tim Schmoyer. And welcome to Video
Creators, the channel that is all about helping you guys
grow your YouTube audience, so that you can spread a message
that reaches people and changes their life. But in the process of
doing that sometimes– this whole YouTube
stardom thing can really start to mess with us. Now, I did a video a few
years ago– actually, on this channel– it’s
one of my favorite videos on this channel, but I
talked about something I think is very important for
us as creators to understand, and that is the psychological
influence that we as internet stars
have on our viewers, on the people who
are following us. And even if you’re the most
positive, uplifting person ever, there still is
a tremendous potential for things to go
terribly wrong, and you’d have the exact opposite
effect on your viewers that you want to have. So I highly recommend you
go watch that video first, and then come watch this
one, because this video is a follow up to that. And it’s been like two
years in the making, because honestly,
I wasn’t sure how to talk about this with you
guys in ways that would be one, helpful, and two, received
well without just offending a lot of people and
ticking everybody off, because the thing is a lot of
creators feel like they have a very strong emotional
connection to viewers they’ve never seen, never met, would
never recognize on the street, they don’t know their name, they
know absolutely almost nothing about these people,
and yet there is a very strong
emotional connection, and I’m going to poke on
that a little bit today. There’s a thing that
social scientists call “parasocial
relationships,” which is when one party knows a
great deal about this party, the celebrity, but this
party, the celebrity actually knows very little about
the individuals in this party. It takes a lot of humility,
a lot of maturity, and a lot of
self-awareness to be able to avoid some of the
negative issues that come up in this type of relationship. I hear a lot of fans and
a lot of YouTube creators both, say to each other, I
love you, you’re awesome, you’re amazing, you know,
and in one sense that’s true. Like, you do actually love each
other, but in another sense, that’s not really true at
all, because fans don’t really know you, and you don’t
really know your fans. Both parties just
really like the feeling that the other
provides for them, but you really don’t
know each other. If you were to
meet in person, you would have to start from
very beginning, right, what’s your name, where
are you from, what do you do for fun, how old are–
very, very basic relationship type of stuff. And they will love you as
long as the monkey continues to dance and perform on
stage, but if the monkey stops dancing and stops
performing, then slowly, eventually the crowd
dissipates, and goes away. So if you don’t realize that
your viewers have a consumer relationship with you, then
narcissistic tendencies will creep in and be reinforced
by all the positive affirmation that you’re getting from them. And at this point,
a few things happen, four things that I want to
talk to you guys about here. And then, I want
to talk with you about three ways you can
address this and fix all of us, in case you feel
yourself starting to have this
unhealthy relationship with your audience. One of the first
things I see happen is that these creators
start ignoring the areas of personal
development– the things that they
need to work on. Like, we all have
issues, we all have areas that we really need
to pay attention to, make sure we don’t slip
into, we all have them, but I often see these creators
just starting to ignore them, because they’re starting
to think that they really are as awesome as
everyone thinks they are– which kind of leads
into number two, which is that you start to believe
a false story about yourself. You start to believe that
the story you’re presenting about yourself, the story
that everyone’s praising and applauding, is the
only story there is, and you start to believe
that that story is 100% true. But almost all the
time, it’s not, it’s the story that
you are moderating, the story about yourself that
you’re presenting to people, but is not truly, completely
100% truthfully you. Number three is you start
needing fan approval in very unhealthy ways, all the
likes, all the comments, all the Retweets, all the
shares, all that everything, become things that you
actually seek after, because you feel like you
actually need them, like, they become almost like an
addiction, something you crave. And then you start to
organize your life, and prioritize your life, based
on the things that you feel will get you the
most engagement, the most praise, the most
interaction from your fans. And number four,
and this is so sad when this happens, when it
reaches its climax you actually feel completely
and utterly alone. You can be in a crowd of
raging, screaming fans at a big place like
VidCon, and still feel completely
and utterly alone. And it just becomes really
difficult to know who can you really trust, and to
make matters worse, like, at the beginning
of this whole process, it’s actually
really fun– you’re getting these new viewers,
people are liking your stuff and engaging. It really starts to suck you
in, in a way that eventually, all your real-life
relationships are kind of– they need to be placed
on a back burner, because you need to keep
feeding this machine of people, these fans, this praise, all
the stuff that you’re working on online, and the thing
that you’re trying to create and build, and then after
you’ve kind of gotten there– or even if you
haven’t gotten there, you’re just focused on it
for a really long time, the real life relationships
are kind of gone, and they’re not as
strong as you would hope they are when, at that
moment, you really need them. What it kind of comes down
to, to summarize all of it, is that it is very
possible for you to create an image
of yourself that is very unattainable,
by yourself even, and absolutely unsustainable. So how can you address this? If you feel yourself starting
to slip into any of these– or maybe you don’t,
and that’s great, that’s awesome– how
can you prevent yourself from slipping into some of
these unhealthy relationships that you could potentially
have with your viewers? Three things that are really
important– number one is that you absolutely must
have legitimate real-life relationships and
friendships outside of the internet, like,
actual real-life people that you’re meeting
with face-to-face on a regular basis. These are people
who know you, who you are opening your life
to, people that you trust, people who will love you– even
if all the YouTube stuff was gone, even if all
fame, the popularity, the money, whatever–
even if all that was gone, these are people who will
still stick with you. And these are relationships
that you don’t have online, these aren’t just like
people that you call and talk to on the phone, these are
people in your actual town, in your neighborhood,
in your community that you can meet
with face-to-face and have those deep
personal relationships. With number two, you must
be able to spend time with these people
without feeling compelled to always have to post about
it, snap it, share it, blog it, whatever. When you’re with these
real-life friends, can you just enjoy the
moment for the sake of those people and that
moment, without feeling like you need to record this
and share it in some way? If the answer is no,
I highly recommend that you start doing
that– turn off your phone, and go hang out with people
just for the sake of being with those people. Number three, always be
aware that relationships with people in YouTube
comments are actually not real relationships. Whatever people say in
your YouTube comments, always just kind of turn
it down a few notches– both the positive stuff
and the negative stuff that they’re saying–
listen to it, and definitely learn from
them, and interact, and engage, and support and have
those relationships, but they are not
on the same level as real-life relationships
with people that you know, love, and trust. Now all of that said,
growing your YouTube channel, growing your audience,
getting millions of views and
subscribers, that is one of the most
powerful things that you can do to reach people, and
impact them, and really make a big difference in the world. I spent some time here focusing
on some of the negative side effects that we should
be aware of as creators, but I am not at all
suggesting that we all close up shop and go home. Fans feel like they have a
personal connection with you, which is a very powerful tool
for influencing, impacting people, and changing the
world for the better. Just do it in ways that
are honest and healthy, both for them as the viewers,
and for you as the creator. I am really looking forward to
hear your comments down there below– what vibes with you,
what doesn’t– let’s learn from each other. I’ll be down there in
the comments with you, and if this is your
first time here, I would love to
have you subscribe, because every Thursday
we publish videos– not usually like this– with the
intention of helping you grow your audience, so that you can
spread a message that reaches people and changes their lives.

100 thoughts on “How Internet Fame Can Slowly Ruin Your Life

  1. Great video! I've ridden the fame roller coaster for 25 years. You hit it on the head. Always remember what's real! Stay grounded! All that stuff is just fluff… Terrific tips to just check in with ourselves periodically. Thanks!

  2. Introspection and self awareness is really needed to be the foundation that a creator can hold on to when fame and crowds arrive. It is hard but the best thing someone can do is stay themselves and evolve for themselves and not the public eye… I have built several careers and something I realized is that each individual never had the same reaction to fame. It really also depends on personnality, background, education etc…

  3. I've been wanting to make a video response to travel vloggers whose comments are all about how people feel sad, jealous and envious of people's adventure…but I'm excited to hear what you have to say

  4. Lol I think I know quite a few people who are totally ruined in the sense of this video but aren't aware at all… I feel pretty sucked in at times and sustaining friend relationships sometimes can feel like a burden. So yeah. Thank you for this video! Great advice! Alarm clock worked on me 😄 (and I only have 3k subscribers) greets from Germany ✌️

  5. you are right Tim, this part help me because i easily get emotionally involved and i don t really put a line (not to cross) to keep a healthy relation with youtube or fans or viewers
    thank you for thoses helpful points
    when it become addictive with the comments the reactions of the viewers you wake up looking at it and before going to sleep too so now i enjoy more life moments to give good feels to my audience

  6. This is so helpful, and also kinda scary… Thank-you for making this video! I can definitely admit to some of those tendencies and it's good to be aware of it to try to avoid these unhealthy patterns that are so easy to fall into. Thank-you Tim!

  7. You're awesome! Thank you for being so encouraging and wise and insightful! I'm glad I'm seeing this video early on, because I could see myself eventually falling in some of those traps. Stay amazing!

  8. Great advice Tim. I am a youth work and my family and I are seriously pursuing YouTube as a way of supplementing our income. I've been binge watching your videos and am finding them incredibly helpful. Keep sharing your wisdom and experience!

  9. Really great information. Sadly, we see this at times with very large creators. I give props to massive creators on this platform, it takes guts to do what they do.

  10. its sadly true. well said. I'm a small timer…but i understand what you are saying. I see it every day.

  11. great subject, I got tired of posting on social media when I am with friends, guess that is a good thing haha! My family always comes first! I think it is weird to say I love you to your followers…

  12. I was alone before YouTube and I can be alone again 😀 Some very interesting points here. I'm naturally a positive person, I always try and show all my flaws and imperfections on my channel, best to keep in 100% real

  13. Great topic and one that needs to be discussed. It's funny how famous Youtubers all went ahead and did vlog side channels etc. Some of their videos show how boring/basic their lives can be like the rest of us.That's the line that I would never cross and go ahead and be 'online' 24/7.
    I love social media and love the potential and possibilities through it, yet I don't stick to a schedule or let the beast control me. I purposely have to tell me friends to get off their phones when we're out and enjoy the damn moment. The moment! The moment is something that is dying year by year. People don't live in real life anymore, everything is done to show off or distribute to the online masses. I'm grateful and blessed that we live in an era where you can make money from this machine, but to let it consume your every waking minute is damn well very depressing. People can't even hold normal conversations anymore without showing a video or FB post or what the f ever. It's something that's really bothered me of late and I just wish we could all just switch off a bit more. Then again….guess we gotta milk this zombie era :/

  14. Thank you much! Good reminders as we are putting in nearly full time hours early in our vloging career in addition to work.

  15. im very open with my subscribers and they know a ton about me and when I started to livestream it was great because I got to talk to them live and I learnt a lot about my subscribers and its great to get to know them

  16. hi. I have few questions to ask and few things to discuss with you about my YouTube channel. can I please know your email id…? I have liked your fb page as well. very soon am I going to start my own channel. I believe by Monday…! its important have a word with you before that. could you share your email id…..😓

  17. Thanks Tim, this video really helped me. I'm coming from a unique perspective on this. I've been a record producer for a number of years. I would seek out bands that were popular locally, to work with. Then through working on music together, become real life friends. And unfortunately with some, I would watch and be victim to some of the things you talk about in this video happening. I was really hurt by some people that I thought I was friends with, but in the end , even though we did hang out, work on music together, and do the kind of things real life friends do, I was treated like just another random internet fan. And I did feel a strong connection with some of them, not because of their internet personality, but because we both loved music and had common life goals and common interests. Or at least I thought we did, but maybe it was just hard for any of us to tell the difference between who they were on the web and who they really were. This video really helped shed some light on what was going on, and I feel a little better about the situations that happened.

    Coming from the other side, it's tough being friends with someone famous because you never know weather you really are friends or if they just think of you as another one of their fans. And it feels like it's really easy for them to ditch you the second you come across a few bumps in the road that real friendships have from time to time. All in all, famous or not, people and relationships are messy.

  18. A very good psycological analysis. I have been doing Youtube videos since 2008 (behind of camera), videos having tens of millions views. I have seen the some of "back sides" of the Youtube videos. Every young people creating youtube videos should watch this video.

  19. I think there are exceptions…I mean I see the people I watch (unless it is an entertainment, educational and so on type of channel) as potential friends. The more we interact in the comments and even elsewhere makes us closer; but I have never gotten to be more than acquaintances in reality. I feel like it is okay to think for people we watch as some kind of friend if we are being realistic about it. With that said, I don't think I'd ever do a meet up with people that watch me. That is partly because I am more of a one on one type of person and would feel uncomfortable if a crowd formed. Haha

  20. Thank you so much!! This has helped me become more self aware! Thank you youtube creators!!! This is important. This brings me back to earth.

  21. I use the trained monkey analogy a lot. Fans are beyond awesome & they motivate me more than just about anything…but the key is to always keep things in perspective & know who will really be there when you need them most.

  22. That's why when I made my channel I never had the goal to be popular or famous. I wanted to make content that people would enjoy or even sometimes have good laugh at now and again. If I can make one person's day a little better with a stupid let's play video then my channel is always a success

  23. I think we should start seeing other creators. –It's not you, it's me. Can we still be friends?
    I'll need my key back.

  24. Yes. Yes to all of this. If you're a youtuber and you feel the need to express your gratitude, just say "I appreciate you guys," or "I'm grateful for you guys." Stop preying on lonely, depressed, sad people by tricking them into believing you care about them. You don't know them. You don't love them. And ESPECIALLY don't refer to them as your family. You're EXPLOITING people, you're a predator, and you're sick.

  25. OMG this is one of the most helpful videos I have seen in a long time. You just made sense for me a problem I have struggled with for so long as a youtube creator and in some of my relationships with my audience. Thank you!

  26. Well… I guess it is in the nature of these things… youngsters on yt.. "fast" fame.. and so on. But you can always build up from a break-down… move above and rise again 🙂

  27. I once did a LIVE seminar where only 1 person turned up. So when I got 5 views on youtube, I was so grateful about it. It's about adding value and not attaining fame.

  28. Wow! Luckily I'll never have to worry about that kind of fame 😉 Seriously though, I hope everyone who needs to see this does. This is an unusual topic for you, but I still feel its worth ten minutes of my time. Thanks, Tim!

  29. Veeeery powerful! “Needs to be talked about” it’s not all fame and fortune. But if you have a message you’re called to share get it out there protect yourself & beware.

  30. Kudos to you for addressing this topic! One thing I do to keep my life in balance is that I have identified six major domains of my life. At the end of the week, I try to make sure I have addressed all six domains. Some days, a particular domain will take over but I do not let it rule my life. If I have not given attention to a particular domain, I make it a priority to do that on a weekly basis at least! Maybe I need to make a video about this! 😎

  31. Thank you Tim for keeping it real and reminding us that REAL LIFE, real relationships and living in the moment is as vital as breathing. I am at my beginning of my YouTube journey and I am definitely grateful for the head’s up you’re giving me 😃🙏

  32. Love this topic!! Not that I’ve made it big with YouTube but live on another platform
    and the pressure to produce and answer everyone’s questions filled me with anxiety and I had to take a break. I’ve often wondered if it was just me. ❤️💯👌🏼

  33. In addition to all of this, I've also heard of big creators seemingly working from the moment they get up to the moment they go to bed seven days a week. This might have gotten them millions of subscribers, but I don't think it's healthy.

  34. I don't make videos to be famous or for the love of others! I create art and do crafts or diy's and home decor items or sometimes I will share about my little dogs. Not really into the Vlogging but have done a few short Blogs. I just like to share my creativity with others. I have over the years met a few good friends that have stuck with me through everything and are there for me when I need to talk but that's only a few 😊💕

  35. So, so solid! It's super interesting how different videos reach out to you more at different stages of your life. I've suffered from some of these for sure. The comments=relationships myth is on point. People don't really know what you're going through as much as most of your real life friends do, like your parents, etc. Thanks for sharing Tim! 🙂

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